Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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