I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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