If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
