She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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