he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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