I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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