Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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