this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
