my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
