When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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