living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize