omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
