i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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