I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
