The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he just fucked me for my cheese..
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
