It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
