Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
