I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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