Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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