You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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