I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
