whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
