Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
