I want to have your abortion
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
