omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize