There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
