you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize