im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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