Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize