a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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