Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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