Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
