The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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