Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
