She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
