my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I need to align my fucking chakras
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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