Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
