I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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