theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
