booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
