I can tuck mytits in my pants
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
