I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
