arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize