Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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