I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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