i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
