i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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