U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
we should paint friendship bongs
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