that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
