i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
