I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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