I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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