areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
