Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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