I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
