whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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