New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
