just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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