Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
