I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
