it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
