i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize