it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
