yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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