It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
