I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize