my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
