I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
