Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
