Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
