This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
