I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
