OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
