True but thats because hes a fetus.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
