Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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