i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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