the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
