ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
