I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
