Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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