i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
