i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
