omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
