im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
