My hand turned me down
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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