i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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