Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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