I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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