All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Houston, we have a squirter
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
