SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
