She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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