I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
