Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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