Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
