he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
