I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
