I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
