I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
