Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
