careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
