so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
wow bdsm is so cute
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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