I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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