My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
