When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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