gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
