He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
