He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
BRING THE BAGELS
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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