I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
