O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
