So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize