dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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