I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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