my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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