Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
