I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
