How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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