That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
