I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
