My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
