if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I could fuck to npr.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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