We won't sleep together?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
