Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
